True Blood: Love Child (recap)

By: Jen Smith
Fancast.com

With its first season winding down, True Blood is finally getting down to business. Last week, Bill had the pleasure of turning an innocent human girl into a vampire, Jason finally discovered how insane in the membrane Amy is, and Sookie wakes up in bed with a naked shape shifter. That, combined with last night’s episode, is truly a good indication that next week’s finale will be mind-blowing. Honestly, I’m all tingly inside in anticipation—and I’m guessing that I’m not alone in this.

Pam is overseeing Bill’s grave-digging technique in the cemetery. Apparently, this is all part of the ritual. Bill (Stephen Moyer) drinks Jessica’s blood, Jessica drinks Bills blood, Bill and Jessica spoon in the grave, Jessica emerges a vampire. I don’t get it either, but that had to do something different than what’s been done before. Bill is a little apprehensive about what he’s done. He still doesn’t like the fact that she was an innocent girl, but Pam thinks he should consider himself a hero. He proceeds to hop in the hole with his new child and Pam covers them with dirt. Um, don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Sam is still looking after Sookie (Anna Paquin) for Bill, but he’s doing a piss-poor job of it. Sookie was attacked at the bar earlier, and she’s shaken up about it. Sookie is fixing the couch up for Sam to sleep on while they discuss what exactly happened. She saw the guy’s thoughts, and it seems that they were pretty sinister. She only saw flashes of a girl. She looked scared and was wearing a waitress uniform, only she can’t read the nametag. Then the conversation shifts to Bill. Sookie knows that Bill was able to feel her fear since they’re so connected and whatnot. She says that since Bill didn’t show up tonight, he’s probably not coming back. Sam and Sookie stare at each other for a minute, then she goes to bed. Am I sensing some flaring hormones?

Amy has donned some rubber yellow gloves for the clean-up up Eddie, the homosexual vampire with a heart. The stupid girl has staked him through the heart and left Jason (Ryan Kwanten) without his little pal. I hate her. Anyway, he’s pretty pissed off but she keeps insisting that she trust him. I don’t see that happening. As they try to clean up the goo, Jason barfs. I imagine that vampire remains smells like a mixture of formaldehyde, salmon, iron, and decay. As she’s dumping the evidence down the garbage disposal (eew gross!), Jason breaks all the vials of V and threatens her if she ever brings another drop back into his house. How much do you wanna bet that Amy ignores him?

The next morning, Sam and Sookie decide to make like the Scooby Gang and try to solve the murder mystery themselves. Sookie has miraculously solved the puzzle of the girl in the flashes in her sleep. Her name is Cindy and she works at Big Patty’s Pie House a few towns over. That’s very specific, eh? Road trip! The Bobbsey Twins arrive at the pie place, only to encounter a ditzy blonde waitress who doesn’t know anything. Not to worry—some old guy sitting at the counter can tell them everything they want to know about Cindy. He said that she was murdered, but no one knows who did it. Everyone suspects her brother, Drew Marshall, but there wasn’t enough evidence to arrest him. The guy has since disappeared. The old man then hints that she might have been carrying on with vampires. Well who isn’t these days? They then head to the local police station to try to get some info. The cop isn’t very receptive, but when Sookie blackmails him thanks to her mindreading techniques, he caves in and agrees to fax a picture of Drew Marshall to the Bon Temps police department.

Let’s check in with Tara now. She’s been arrested for drunk driving and for ranting about a naked chick and a hog. The cop lady doesn’t believe her about the latter, but the point is moot because of the amount of vodka she’s consumed. Tara’s mom, being a hypocrite, refuses to bail her out. Turns out she didn’t need her mama—some lady has come to rescue her. Her name is Marianne and claims to be some kind of social worker. She pays Tara’s bail and takes her back to her palatial southern home to recuperate. This is a little creepy. That’s all on Tara today… she wasn’t in this episode much.

Bill is hanging out, waiting for the egg to hatch. Finally, Jessica emerges from her grave looking a bit rabid. Since Bill has never done this before, he didn’t really know what to expect… but I’m presuming she’s an exception to the rule. She’s pretty much a nightmare. She’s the equivalent to a bad puppy that won’t quit peeing on the Persian rug. She’s excited to be a vampire. She doesn’t have to deal with her family anymore or act like a lady. She proves her point by cussing like a sailor and demanding that she be allowed to kill whomever she pleases. Bill tries to explain the rules to her and feed her Tru Blood, but she spits it out, declares that it tastes like shit, and calls him the worst maker ever. Girlie, you’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.

Jason has come home to Amy’s latest apology attempt: a good ol’ fashioned southern meal. It works. He’s forgiven her and all is right in the world. Except for when she presents him with a vial of V. He flips a lid because he told her that they weren’t doing that anymore, but Amy used her feminine wiles to talk him into it. They share the remaining drug and go for another hallucination-induced jaunt in the rain. In actuality, they’re just passed out on Jason’s bed. That’s when we see a stranger walk in to the bedroom and unbuckle his belt. We don’t see his face, naturally, but we can see that he’s a bit husky. Anyway, he grants my wish and strangles Amy with the belt. I guess that’s what you get for messing with the undead. Jason wakes up and finds his beloved and thankfully calls 911 instead of reenacting the last scene from Romeo and Juliet. I wouldn’t have put it past him. Guess what happens? He’s arrested. Again. This time, he’s convinced that he’s been doing the killings but doesn’t remember doing them. The secretary at the jail is too busy gossiping on the phone about Jason to notice the fax with Drew Marshall’s picture on it, causing it to get lost in the shuffle. Oops.

Bill is still having problems with his spawn. He takes her to Fangtasia to see if Eric can help. Eric finds the whole thing amusing and tells Bill to man up. Jessica then calls Bill and dick, then propositions Eric. Can’t say I blame her on that one. Bill tells Eric he needs him to take Jessica off his hands for a while so he can see Sookie. After all, Eric owes Sookie a big favor. Eric concedes and offers to take Jessica to see how a real vampire feeds. Meanwhile, Sookie and Sam are getting pretty cozy on the couch. They’ve enjoyed each other’s company all day, which is obviously a good sign. Sam tells her that the day she walked into his bar looking for a job was the best day of his life. Side note: It doesn’t matter if you’re a Bill/Sookie ’shipper… you’ve got to say AWW after that line. Sookie is flattered enough to start making out with Sam. Is it possible to be jealous of a fictional character? In a moment of perfect timing, Bill storms in and attacks Sam. Obviously, it wasn’t much of a fight considering Bill has supernatural strength and whatnot, but Sookie pulls a bitch move and rescinds Bill’s invitation into her home. That vampire myth is true, btw. He runs away, despite his pleas. Now Sookie is mad at both Bill and Sam… and I don’t know who to root for. Do I want her with Sam or Bill? Such a question is of utter importance. I will do research and report my findings after next week’s season finale.