Late Night Funnies: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog To Be Obama’s New Pup?

Ann Murray
Fancast.com

Which lucky puppy will be adopted by Obama and his family? Conan O’Brien offered his two cents, and they involve the 7 foot puppy and evil dog. Hmmm, how about Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?

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Check out other funny quotes from last week’s Conan O’Brien show, below and after the jump:

“The holidays are here and people are cutting back this year…Today a correspondent on CNN explained how to feed 8 people for Thanksgiving for less than $30. The segment was called, ‘Thanksgiving at White Castle.’”

“Psychologists say that people are cutting back on gifts and they say this year the holidays will be more about spending time with family. Experts say this is what’s known as a ‘lose - lose.’”

“General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said, ‘Tiger Woods is successful, competitive and popular and that’s just not us.’”

“President-elect Barack Obama says that he is united with President Bush’s administration on doing everything they can to fix the economy. When asked about it, President Bush replied, ‘What he said,’ and then went back to packing.”

“During the press conference, Obama told reporters today that the economy is likely to get worse. After hearing this, John McCain said, ‘That’s funny, he didn’t mention that during the campaign.’”

“Astronauts on board the international space station are trying to fix the machine that turns urine into drinking water. Actually the urine converter was fixed days ago but the astronauts keep saying, ‘You try it,’ ‘No, YOU try it.’”

“It’s being reported that Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend have started seeing a couple’s counselor. When asked why, Lohan said, ‘Because I’m committed to making this publicity stunt work.’”

“The city of Amsterdam has announced that because of a new law, it will be closing 43 marijuana cafes. Isn’t that amazing? They now have a law in Amsterdam.”

“In Minnesota, Doctors have a developed a non-invasive form of stomach stapling that involves putting the stapler down the patient’s throat. The doctors say the hardest part of the procedure is hiding the stapler inside a chocolate donut.”

“In a speech this morning, Barack Obama said ‘This isn’t about big government or small government. It’s about building a smarter government.’ When he heard this, President Bush said, ‘I get it, I get it, I’m leaving.’”

“Earlier today, John McCain gave his first press conference since the election and he said that for a lot of people Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign. Unfortunately for McCain those people are called Democrats.”

“A new study has found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety ratings. Apparently Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer’s lot.”

“Psychologists are saying that due to the bad economy parents need to find a way to explain to their kids that Santa will be making fewer toys for Christmas. So far, the best they’ve come up with is, ‘Fat people are lazy.’”

“The Weather Channel just announced that they’re going to lay off dozens of their workforce. Laid off Weather Channel employees describe themselves as ’slightly pissed with a 40% chance of suing.’”

“It was reported today that the machine on board the International Space Station that turns urine into drinking water has been fixed. After hearing this, an astronaut said, ‘Wait, you mean that wasn’t lemon Tang?’”

“Citibank says they will not be able to sponsor the New York Mets new stadium because the bank’s finances have collapsed. The Mets are furious and said, ‘Our sponsors don’t collapse, we do.’”

“The New Yorker recently published an interview with Prince where he makes several anti-gay comments – but Prince insists he is not homophobic. In his defense, Prince said: ‘I mean, look at me – I’m wearing velvet ass-chaps!’”

“In Tokyo, a struggling restaurant is trying to attract customers by employing monkeys as waiters. Which explains the sign in the bathroom that says: ‘Employees must wash hands after throwing poop.’”

“Because of the bad economy, fewer Americans will be traveling to visit their families this Thanksgiving. As a result, Americans will have to spend Thanksgiving Day getting into fights with total strangers.”

“Environmentalists say that one way to be green on Thanksgiving is to carpool to your destination by finding a ride on Craig’s List. Coincidentally this is also the best way to be found in a cargo van wrapped in duct tape.”