Dirty Sexy Money: Are You There, God? (recap)

By: Jen Smith
Fancast.com

Dirty Sexy Money has officially turned into a drama. Sure, it’s always had a flair for the dramatic, but it was more comedic with spurts of emotion littered throughout. Tonight, there’s an attempted murder or two, a plea to God, a dying mother, and several pairs of star-crossed lovers. DSM delivered the goods and the devoted audience thanks you.

Karen (Natalie Zea) is still pretty much pissed at Nick (Peter Krause) for trying to control her life. He can’t even please her with the news that she’s getting her precious Darling Enterprises stock back. Wow, does Karen have real feelings? They’re starting to shine through. Nick still cares about the silly woman, so he puts up with her temper tantrum for another day. He heads over to Tripp’s (Donald Sutherland) office, where he learns of some bad news. Chase is back. Remember him, Ellen’s brother? Apparently he’s changed his mind about being paid to keep quiet about her death and is hell-bent on destroying the Darlings. Take a number, pal.

The honeymoon is officially over. It seems Andrea has taken a turn for the worse, and Brian is in denial as usual. She finally gets him to admit that she’s probably going to die. Once he finally admits that his new wife isn’t going to admit it, he goes into a tailspin trying to figure out what to make of it all. He accuses Tripp of caring more about Simon’s partnership than he does about his own son. Which, he’s probably right about. He officially resigns from his post at dear old daddy’s company. What now?

Nick, the family lawyer/psychiatrist has decided to take matters into his own hands and have a one-on-one with Chase. Turns out, his wife and kids left him high and dry. Sound familiar, Nick? That was Chase’s only reason to not expose the murder of his sis, so he feels now is a good time. Nick gets nowhere with the deadbeat and leaves to save another life. Chase decides to stir up some trouble in upstate New York by tracking down Carmelita and threatening to go public about her and her affair with Patrick. Carmelita still cares for Patrick, naturally, so she warns him. The butterflies in Patrick’s and Carmelita’s stomachs flutter and it seems their love is rekindled.

Let’s long story short the Nola/Jeremy plot, shall we? Jeremy gets Nola to admit her feelings. Nola tells Jeremy that Simon Elder is keeping her brother hostage. Simon finds out Jeremy knows. Simon threatens Nola. Nola begs Jeremy not to tell anyone. The end. That was easy.

Nick consults Tripp, Patrick and Nola about the Chase situation. They all think it would be easiest to throw him in the psych ward until after Patrick’s inauguration. That way, they’ll know he won’t try any funny stuff. Nick says no way. He’ll try to talk to him again. Right, cause that worked so well last time. So Nick meets up with him at a park and by some miracle convinces him to back off and slink away like a good boy. In a moment of perfect timing, the cops show up to cart Chase away to the loony bin. Tripp apparently didn’t want to take any chances. Chase swears revenge upon all the Darlings, especially Nick. Take that, meanie!

Brian runs into his old church’s bishop, who asks him if he wants to come back to his old job as a reverend. He turns him down, saying that God hasn’t really done much for him, so why should he do anything for God? He apparently decides to give it the ol’ college try, and heads to the church for some prayer. He begs god to spare his beloved wife because he’s not ready for her to go. It sounds kind of selfish, but who wouldn’t be in that situation. On a side note, Glenn Fitzgerald blew my socks off with this scene. He’s a truly phenomenal actor. I appreciate his comedic timing every week, but seeing him in this raw emotional state reminds me of how talented he is. Kudos. Anyway, it looks like his praying paid off… Andrea’s white blood cells are up and she’s starting to recover. Which brings him to his next task—stealing the bishop’s job.

Karen has either decided to make up with Nick or she’s a glutton for punishment. At his apartment, she finds the door open but Nick is nowhere in sight. Guess who shows up? Chase. He’s escaped the mental institution and is systematically going after the Darlings one by one. He calls Karen a slut and holds her a gun point. Now would be a good time for Nick to save the day. Naturally, he’s nowhere to be found when Karen actually wants him to show up. He also punches the crap out of her. That might leave a bruise.

It’s finally time for Patrick’s big pretentious inauguration. He’s chosen to have Carmelita at his side and will officially introduce her to the world. Right before it begins, Nick gets a call from Karen who manages to sqeak out a warning. Nick understands somehow and calls for the whole thing to be shut down. Too late! Chase is already there, dressed as a cop. Nick throws himself onto Chase, but he’s overpowered. Chase gets off a few gun shots, and the screen goes black.

Spoiler alert: someone dies, someone is in a coma, and someone has amnesia. I’m 99 percent positive I can figure out who is who. My guess is that Carmelita dies, Jeremy has amnesia, and Patrick’s in a coma. Again, this is just a guess. Next week is one of the few remaining new episodes. Cherish it, my friends.

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