The pressure! The sequins! The bad double entendres!

It was almost too much to handle on performance night of the ‘Dancing with the Stars‘ season finale. There was high praise and low moments, as finalists Donny Osmond, Kelly Osbourne and Mya faced off in the final ballroom blitz.

It was the stars’ last chance to shine: Donny razzle dazzled; Mya scored high yet still underwhelmed; and poor Kelly fell apart…yet kept it together.

Kelly Osbourne and Louis van Amstel, Dance: Argentine Tango
Kelly epitomizes what this competition is all about, no experience, says Len, “and you came out and danced right up there.” Bruno calls her the “revelation” of the season. Carrie Ann was impressed by an “intimacy and intensity that we haven’t seen before” in what was a “sophisticated routine.”
Score: 26

Mya and Dmitry Chaplin, Dance: Paso Doble
Jamming to the tune of “We Will Rock You,” Mya proved she is a force…but she is not fierce. Bruno did give her credit for being “fearless and flamboyant” though. And he gets in once last cheesy crack, “Mya, unleashed for all to ad-mire-ya!” Carrie Ann dubbed her “the queen of the paso doble.” (I wonder how Mel B. feels about that?) Len noted the pressure on her is immense and that this paso was “right up there with Mel B and Maks.”
Score: 10! 10! 10!

Moments later pro dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy Tweeted:
HEHEHE….. Is it just me or did Mya’s Paso looked a little……familiar?

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson, Dance: Cha Cha Cha
I was at once marveling at Donny’s whole-lotta-hip-shaking–and Kym’s ability to keep her silver tinsel dress on. Carrie Ann remarked “what a breakthrough…and in the final! Those hips came busting out.” Len said, “Ding dong Donny, that was a cha cha cha!” Bruno gets all serious and commends Donny for being “a credit to his profession,” having no attitude, and for discovering “parts he never knew he had before.”
Score: 27

Then it was on to the “megamix,” which featured identical choreography performed by each of the dancers side-by-side. N’Sync, they are not.

As the judges were told to “Please reveal your scores!” Len admits he thought it would be easy to judge, but apparently he was…wrong (shut up!). “It shows how close you all are,” the head judge said, before giving props across the board. Bruno pointed out Kelly’s waltz was “amazing,” Mya “can shake it,” and Donny, at times, looked like “one of the professionals.” Carrie Ann was also impressed that old dude Donny kept up with the kids. Meanwhile, Mya’s samba made CA’s hips go “boom boom in my own seat.” And Kelly, she loves you for your…beautiful lines.

Megamix Rankings:
Third place: Kelly and Louis (26 pts.)
Second place: Donny and Kym (28 pts.)
First place: Mya and Dmitry (30 pts.)

Note: This is pretty much how the show is expected to stack up. Will there be an upset?

Mya and Dmitry Do Up 'Hairspray' (ABC)

After the first two dances, the ‘Stars’ were ready to let loose (and unravel) in the freestyle routines, which were universally subpar compared with previous seasons.

Kelly and Louis, Freestyle Song: “I Will Survive”
I wonder if picking that song was a jinx? Because Kelly Osbourne did just barely survive this unfortunate mess, which found her bumbling a difficult move and falling on her bum. At least she laughed it off. “Sometimes people fell on the floor. It was part of the night,” said Bruno of Kelly’s disco disaster. “It was your time to shine,” said Carrie Ann. “You smiled and kept going and sang through it.” And just when you give Kelly credit for being so charming, she goes all Osbourne again and says: “It looked like Louis pooped me out.” Thanks for that thought, Kelly!
Score: 24

Mya and Dmitry, Freestyle Song: “You Can’t Stop the Beat”
I’m immediately concerned for Mya when she says in her rehearsal segment, “This is my only chance to be an artist.” HUH? (Isn’t she a singer?) “We can make history in this moment.” HUH? (Isn’t this, um, just ‘Dancing with the Stars’?) And how exactly does ‘Hairspray’ reflect Mya as an artist or a dancer whatsoever? Her hair isn’t even that high. Thankfully, Carrie Ann busts her flat for this: “It was high energy and fun, but in my mind, it didn’t showcase you Mya, you’re more than that.” In a moment that may actually make history, Len says he “agrees 100% with Carrie Ann.” “There was a sameness about it all,” Len said. “I was expecting something to happen, and it never happened.” Bruno concurred that he “was expecting something more spectacular.” After killing it all season, Mya falls flat in the freestyle? Ouch.
Score: 27

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson Get Their First Perfect 10 (ABC)

Score: 10! 10! 10!

Leaderboard Totals (Out of 90)

Kelly and Louis: 76

The winner will be crowned during Tuesday’s live two-hour season finale. Who do you think will be the Season 9 champion of ‘Dancing with the Stars’?

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