90210: “There’s No Place Like Homecoming” (recap)

By Sara A. Bibel
Fancast.com

Remember how awesome the junior prom episode of BH:90210 was? This is the exact opposite. It’s homecoming at West Beverly. Isn’t homecoming a little too Kansas for Beverly Hills? Annie, conformist that she is, feels she can’t go to the dance without a date. Ethan tells her he’d like to go to homecoming with her but it’s too soon after his break-up with Naomi. But they can run into each other at the dance. That is the single stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Silver rejects Dixon’s invitation to the dance because she’s way too alternative. She invites him to help her recuperate from getting her wisdom teeth removed instead. She’s high as a kite afterwards. When Annie tells her Dixon wanted to go to the dance, she sobers up and wetly offers to go with him. The Silver, Dixon and Tabitha show would rule.

Harry tells Naomi that Adrianna almost died of an overdose. She was sentenced to court ordered rehab and confessed to being the true druggie. For some reason Naomi gets a ton of detention for lying, which I guess is West Bev speak for flushing someone else’s drugs down the toilet. This show continues to make no sense. In the Mary Sue moment of the week Naomi tells Annie she now appreciates her. She invites Annie to go with her and a group of other girls going stag to homecoming. This is somehow supposed to be an impediment to her non-date with Ethan. Naomi manages to spar somewhat amusingly with a token bad boy Latino named Ozzy in detention. She assures Annie, who is wearing this fug retro 80s dress that has both a weird elasticized bottom ruffle and a belt right below her boobs, that she only wants Ethan to be happy.

Stage Mom takes Adrianna to Promises err Currents for rehab. She tells her they swung a deal to get it for free, which seems unlikely. Navid shows up to interview her about her druggie ways for the Blaze. She refuses to be interviewed, but texts Naomi from his phone. Naomi deletes her message. After counseling, she calls Navid, who brings her a care package. She begs him to get Naomi to visit her. He tries, but she refuses. Navid returns and lies that she’s sick. Adrianna doesn’t buy it.

Debbie slips in a plug for State Farm while give Annie a driving lesson. Of course Annie gets a perfect score on her permit test because she’s perfect.

Tabitha awesomely advises Debbie to kick Tracy’s ass after reminding her she could crush her with an eye roll. 90210 is bumping Jessica Walters down to recurring. No Tabitha, no peace. Donna Martin graduates! Debbie tells Tracy she’ll knock her teeth out if she comes near Harry again.

At the homecoming dance, Naomi and Ethan are nominated for King and Queen. You would think there’d be a big moment where they both win. That’s because you have a sense of story structure. The winners are never announced. Stupid show! Ozzy tells Naomi she looks skanky. I start rooting for an Ozzy and Tabitha romance. Naomi sees Ethan and Annie chastely dancing and is predictably jealous. So she agrees to dance with the way hotter Ozzy who is also a much better dancer than Ethan. He’s turned on by her fluent nanny-taught Spanish, but she only has eyes for Ethan. Adrianna arrives, after sneaking out with Navid’s help. In a terribly acted speech, Naomi tells her she can’t keep watching her hurt herself. Naomi tells Annie that she can’t be friends with her if she’s with Ethan. Annie encourages Naomi to forgive Adrianna. Adrianna attempts to buy drugs from dealer Danny Romalotti. Navid punches him in the face. Navid tells her he’s been into her for years and she never noticed. She realizes he got his Dad to pay for her rehab. Damn. Navid can join the Dixon, Silver and Tabitha show. Naomi, heeding St. Annie’s wisdom, forgives her. Annie tells Ethan she can’t be with him because of Naomi. She changes her mind when he kisses her.

Ryan sees Kimberly buying drugs. He takes her and the drugs to Harry. When Harry’s vague about what’s going to happen next, Ryan tells him off for being a lousy principal, threatening to go to the LA Times. I don’t think they have enough reporters left to cover the story. Kimberly outs herself as a cop. Ryan kisses her. I guess he’s over Kelly.