90210: Gnarly Halloween

Last week, we had the awesome reveal that Jasper is evil, Jen conning Naomi, and a dying Jackie. So I was psyched for this week’s Halloween episode of 90210. I hoped we’d get something to rival Donna’s mermaid costume. Instead, there was surfing. Lots and lots of surfing. And very little continuity.

Liam Meets A Cliche

A surfer girl backs her truck into Liam’s car. He yells at her, for being a little girl with a big car. Do I even need to keep going? Of course she is on the surfing team, though Liam somehow never noticed her before. Her name is Ivy. The two of them make cliched gender based disparaging remarks as Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn turn over in their graves. She wins the surf meet. Then, when they ludicrously have a rematch at the Halloween party, he wins. They finally make peace with each other and are obviously going to end up dating. My theory is that Ivy exists to make Noami look good by comparison.

It’s Not Easy Being Green

Naomi is still dating the Dean’s nerdy environmentalist son Richard. She and his hot roommate Jamie end up talking in California U’s empty stadium. He says he wants to kiss her but won’t because she is dating his roommate. She breaks up with Richard, confiding to Adrianna that she needs a viable relationship to help her get over Liam.

Not Another Teen Pregnancy

Geriatric Sasha has confined her relationship with Dixon to her apartment. In a genuinely funny moment, he is too young to get her Dawson’s Creek reference. He nearly gets kicked off the surfing team because he missed too many practices. He finally realizes their relationship is not working and breaks up with her. Sasha tells him she’s pregnant. She better be lying. The last thing this show needs is another pregnancy.

People That Are Even Older Than Sasha

In the one bit of continuity from last episode, Debbie is miffed that Harry called her Kelly. He assures her nothing is going on. Harry puts on a creepy Obama Halloween mask as a joke when Kelly comes in to talk with him. It comes across as uncomfortably close to black face. Kelly tells him about Silver and Jackie. He cancels a planned lunch with Debbie to keep talking to her. Debbie sees them together. He brings her flowers and explains what happened. Debbie accuses him of enjoying Kelly’s crush on him. Kelly tells Harry that she does not have a crush on him but they both know she is lying. How much money would it take to get Luke Perry back to end this horrible triangle? Debbie and Harry have got to be the worst parents on television. They are completely unaware that their children have been killing old people and getting statutory raped.

Ignore Your Dying Mother

Silver finds taking care of Jackie difficult. Instead of offering support, Kelly and her friends tell her she is in over her head. Nobody seems to fathom why Silver would want to take care of her terminally ill mother. What the hell is wrong with them? Perhaps if Kelly shouldered her share of the burden, Silver would not be so overwhelmed. Silver and Teddy are assigned to work on a school project together. Silver still hates him and says she’ll do it all. When she does not get it done in time, he covers for her. When he learns Jackie is dying, he tells Silver that his mother died three years ago. He gives her a tennis lesson to help her blow off stress. They are really sweet together. I think I could invest in a slow burn romance between the two of them.

Annie Needs To Read The Gift of Fear

Annie and Jasper are smooching like she was not nearly date raped two days ago. Seriously, are there going to be any repercussions for Mark? Is he still playing football? Is Harry aware that one of his students is a sexual predator? Jasper is basing a character in his screenplay on her and wants her to be in his movie. Maybe my speculation that he is gaslighting her by writing a movie about his uncle’s death is right. Jasper takes her to the beach club and tells her she’s going to play a scene where she borrows a car and takes it on a joy ride. He convinces her that actually stealing a car is part of low budget filmmaking. I can’t wait until he persuades her that they need to do it for real in all the sex scenes. Annie stupidly drives away with Jasper in the Bentley.

The Best Part of the Episode

Liam does not dress up for Halloween. Everyone thinks his regular clothes are a costume.

Quotes

People who shower a lot are so gross. - Naomi to Richard

There are plenty of very savvy pot smokers out there. - Debbie

So my friends & I couldn’t decide…are you supposed to be like Johnny Depp or a Jonas Brother?- Girl
Uhh. He’s a farmer.-Dixon
I am not a farmer!-Liam
Farmhand. Worker on a farm.-Dixon

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