America’s Next Top Model: The Whitney School of Acting (recap)

By: Jen Smith
Fancast.com

Last time on America’s Next Top Model, Lauren Brie was sent home for not standing out in a crowd. Incidentally, we all forgot she was even on the show. We’re down to seven models now and I instantly groaned when I thought of watching this episode. Why? Because this is the point in the competition when the girls are all sent abroad and Tyra Banks acts like a maniac during the announcement process. Remember all the crazy themed outfits she’s clad in the past? Yeah, that’s right; shudder along with me.

Sheena is still being crazy about being in the bottom two last week and Elina is still angry about her lack of emotion. She and Marjorie are being picked on for being reserved Europeans. The other girls call them un-American and proclaim their support for the Republican Party. Not really, y’all! After several minutes of bitching, the girls are all sent on this week’s challenge. I know I say this every week… but this week has to hold the title for most utterly ridiculous challenge EVER. Remember the Aswirl twins from a few seasons ago? Well, they’re back and badder than ever. And not in a good way. They’re here to teach the girls how to model accessories. Two things: first, how do these guys make a living? I mean, their jobs can’t really be tracking down wanna-be models to show them how to correctly position a beret on their heads. Second, why did Tyra think that waching two middle-aged, balding, overweight twins wearing Asian pajamas teaching stick figures to clutch a purse would ever, ever, ever be entertaining? Note to Tyra: it’s not.

What followed wasn’t much better. Some crazy pink-haired lady made the girls put on bright green body suits and accessories. When they were shown on a TV set, the green leotards would be digitally removed so all we would see were the accessories. So, the model who did the best job would win. In a nutshell: Elina worked a giant sleeve, McKey sprouted wings, Marjorie flashes the audience, Samantha lost a fight with a jacket, Joslyn did a strip tease, and Sheena goes in circles. Yeah, it was about as fun as it sounds. The winner would get some kind of holiday spread in Seventeen Magazine and could invite two friends to join. The big winner is Elina, who chooses Marjorie and Analeigh. Well… this just infuriated the other models. Why? Let me tell you why. Because Elina’s an atheist—and posing in a holiday layout when you don’t believe in Jesus is hypocritical. WTF? Are you kidding me? Unfortunately, they weren’t kidding. They apparently skipped over the whole “freedom of religion” section while studying Constitution in middle school. I’m sensing a little jealousy and resentment.

The next day, the girls head off to Bel-Air to a big fancy house to shoot their first Cover Girl commercial! I’m super psyched because I know there’s going to be big tears when half the girls forget their lines. But wait, they’re given a teleprompter! Nooo! That just ruins the whole fun of it. Making a quick appearance is Whitney, last year’s “winner.” She starts giving “advice” about how to be the “perfect” Cover Girl, and I want to smack her in her head. Did she forget how utterly horrible she was at this? She gave knew meaning to the phrase “fake laugh.” She was just awful, awful, awful. Back to the commercials… each girl only gets 5 takes. So I guess it’s a good thing they brought the prompter because they would have been there all day otherwise.

First up is Samantha, who is energetic yet cheese-tastic. Elina was next, and once again got called out for being too controlled. Jay recommends she stop reading and start communicating the lines. McKey looks and sounds beautiful, but unfortunately she has a problem with the whole talking while walking thing. Analeigh surprises everyone with her near perfection. It kind of makes me think she should become an actress instead of a model. Marjorie’s first take wasn’t too terrible like I was expecting. She talked a little fast, but it wasn’t that bad. Unfortunately, she disagreed and immediately burst into tears. Why? Because she’s French? Sheena was next up and did almost as good as Analeigh. Her only downfall was the embedded ghetto-ness. Last but not least was Joslyn, who was unfortunately under the weather. After a quick heave into a giant trash can, she slaps on some make-up and does her commercial. Apparently Joslyn has taken after Whitney with the whole fake laughter thing. So annoying. She keeps giggling and winking and whatnot, like that’s how people really act in real life. Mr. Jay wonders if she ate ham and cheese for lunch. Double burn!

Judging time is finally upon the models, and everyone’s getting nervous. Before the evaluations, Tyra decides to make the models take a walking test wearing some silly looking Dutch clogs. AHH!! NOO!! In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this is a giant context clue that she’s about to announce their impending trip abroad. Once she pulls an Oprah and begins screaming and ranting about Amsterdam, shit goes haywire. Paulina puts on a stupid blonde wig with braids, the Aswirl twins showed up to twirl around in windmill costumes, and I gauged my eyes out with a spoon. It hurt. Anyway, we all know that only six girls go overseas, so one will be sent home tonight. On with the evaluations!

Samantha- Tyra thinks the teleprompter was her downfall, and the judges make fun of Sam for not enunciating her words.

Marjorie- Nigel wonders what’s the rush? Jay points out that her head was bobbing too much.

Analeigh- Tyra claims this was the best Cover Girl commericial in the history of ANTM. I can see that… most of them suck.

Joslyn- Nigel points out there’s a time and a place to wink, and this wasn’t it. Tyra laughed at how fake it was.

Elina- Nigel doesn’t like the fact that she broke eye contact, and everyone still thinks she’s holding back.

Sheena- Miss J makes fun of her “inky slink” movements (meaning, she’s too ghetto—I sense a theme here).

McKey- Paulina thinks her performance was disastrous but she saved it by looking gorgeous.

To no one’s surprise, Analeigh is called first, followed by Sheena (who reacts like she just won Miss Teen Harlem), then Samantha. The bottom two is Elina and Joslyn. Sheena is seen in the background praying for Elina to go home and for Joslyn to stay. So I had to laugh when her jaw hit the floor when Joslyn was sent packing. Really, Sheena? Were you that surprised? Joslyn’s commercial was horrific! Just because you hated Elina doesn’t mean she deserved to go home. Get over yourself. Meanwhile, Joslyn says that she totally didn’t see it coming. Really, Joslyn. REALLY?

Have you played the Fancast Fandom Trivia
Game today?