Gossip Girl: “There Might Be Blood” (recap)

By Sara A. Bibel
Fancast.com

Recapper here, feeling underwhelmed. There was nothing wrong with this episode. It just wasn’t quite as awesome as the past few weeks have been. A new study claims that teens who watch television shows with sexual content are more likely to get pregnant. I wonder how many viewers of this episode went behind the middle school with Tracy Jordan. It’s especially interesting since this episode weirdly has a traditional “just say no” message. It also has the filthiest episode title ever.

Jenny, still sporting the raccoon eyes, is sewing for her “guerilla fashion show.” She exposits to Agnes that she and Nate have been incommunicado since the kiss. She gets busted sewing by Dan and Nate. Jenny tells them what she’s planning and persuades Nate to help her. Jenny plans to stage her show at a stodgy charity gala so she can get financial backing. When she arrives, she realizes Bart and Lily are the guests of honor. Nate covers for her with Lily by pretending he invited her. When she gets anxious, he kisses her in slo mo as cell phones cameras go off.

Dan and Vanessa tell Rufus, who proves to be an even more ineffectual parent than usual. He has no clue how to find her. Dan sees the photo on Gossip Girl, but manages to keep it from Rufus and Vanessa. They head for the gala. Lily lets them in. Dan self-righteously shoves Nate saying he doesn’t want Jenny dating a manwhore. Nate logically points out that he’s a whopping two years older than the far from innocent Jenny, and is the only guy not out to use her. Dan being the self-righteous judger we know and hate kicks Nate out of his house. Nate tells Jenny what’s going on but she’s determined to go through with the show. As the Basses are about to get their awards, the lights go off and the show begins. It’s faux Vivienne Westwood clothes modeled to a cover of Sheena is a Punk Rocker. Agnes dances on tables. Everyone is bogusly overcome by the awesomeness of Jenny. Vanessa sees Nate kissing her. Jenny goes after her rather than get more Nate love, but fails to make things right. Rufus tries to have Jenny arrested, but Lily refuses to press charges. Jenny manages to run away without Rufus noticing. She wanders the streets of Brooklyn with her suitcases, sadly wishing that Andy Warhol’s Factory still existed.

Blair and Serena meet with powerful Yale alums who of course prefer Serena. Serena volunteers Blair as a companion for her nerdy tweenage daughter Emma who looks no younger than Jenny. Once their alone Emma announces she’s determined to lose her virginity at a club that night before her best friend Muffy has a chance to sleep with the Lacrosse captain. If Blair doesn’t help, she’ll tell her family friend the Yale dean that Blair got her drunk. She and Serena decide to take her to a charity gala with the promise that she’ll meet an elite guy. When Chuck sees Emma in a pretty dress, he reveals the gala will be full of old lame people. She propositions him. He takes her for a ride in his limo, but ultimately turns her down because the limo is reserved for Blair.

That’s oddly touching. Emma goes AWOL. Blair. Serena, and Chuck go hunting for her. They find her at a bar with a much older guy named Serge. She manages to sneak out with him. They see Emma’s mom kissing someone other than her husband. How she and Emma managed to avoid each other in the club is not explained. Blair takes a blackmail photo. Serena suddenly gets moral and tells her she needs to be concerned about Emma’s well-being instead of her own admission to Yale. Given that Emma’s been a royal brat, I don’t see why. Chuck takes Blair to Serge’s place. He’s planted a false item that Muffy got her Muff Stuffed on Gossip Girl. I have no idea how that line made it past the censors. Emma’s disappointed and calls off the sex. Blair tells Emma that sex should be about love and that there are better ways to get her mother’s attention. Emma asks her if she loved the first guy she slept with. She says yes, omitting that she fell for Chuck later and was actually having drunk revenge sex.

Gossip Girl: The More You Know. Instead of blackmailing Emma’s Mom she tells her to pay more attention to Emma. Emma calls the Dean, who is like an uncle to her and tells him that Blair belongs at Yale.

Dan gets a text from the Yalie that hooked up with Nate about his recommendation. None of the professors like his writing. Ha! Jealous of Jenny’s success, he decides to send the Chuck Bass story to The Paris Review despite Rufus’s disapproval.

Serena runs into Aaron her gross hipster summer camp crush. He tells her the biker girl was just a friend. She’s about to invite him to a gala when a girl runs up and kisses him. He sends Serena a licorice ring. He leaves her a voicemail, then a girl answers the phone. The next morning he shows up at her house with breakfast pastries. He tells her he isn’t going to make any excuses for his women friends. He feels chemistry and invites her to dinner.

Chuck finds Nate at the empty Archibald house. Chuck invites him to stay with him but he prissily says he’s living with his Mom. Nate inexplicably sends Jenny a snail mail good-bye. Way to kick it old school, Archibald.

Catch up with Gossip Girl’s most scandalous episodes right here.