Eastwick: Bonfire of the Joanna-ties

The best part of this episode? A lot happened. The worst? Not nearly enough Daryl. It’s Halloween in Eastwick. Instead of going to door to door to collect miniature candy bars or dressing like slutty pirates, the good folks of Eastwick commemorate the holiday by putting putting their unwanted possessions in coffins and burning the coffins in a giant bonfire. I don’t know about you, but suddenly my plans for Saturday seem a little tame.

Roxie’s Visionquest

Roxie has another vision of a funeral. Bun can read her mind but does not remember whether she always had psychic powers. Bun tells her that her friend will die because of the statue. Roxie rushes to Daryl’s house and pulls him out of the way before the now-completed Daryl statue crushes him. Daryl fires Chad for improperly bolting the statue to the base.

Joanna Is Having The Worst Week Ever

Kat encourages Joanna to apologize to Will until he forgives her. She sneaks into the newspaper office and makes her plea. Will says he’s moved on. She uses her powers to get him to reveal he has a thing for Kat. Kat insists it just happened because of the moon but she is so lying. I like her so much better without her husband. Kat gives Will the chicks before dicks (well sticks because this is a network show) speech. Joanna discovers she has the power to move the remote control towards her just by thinking about it in the nick of time.

Pastor Dunne kidnaps Joanna and takes her to a creepy shed as payback for exposing him as a hypocritical whoremonger. Joanna uses her new powers to move objects to get her hands on a blade she can use to untie herself. Why does Joanna get all the most useful powers? He knocks her out before she can escape. She wakes up in a coffin — which is already at the top of the bonfire. Reverend Dunn sure can hold a grudge.

Bun touches Joanna’s keys and says they are on fire. Kat and Roxie realize she must be at the bonfire. Daryl accuses Bun of remembering everything. Roxie and Kat notice Pastor Dunn and ask him where Joanna is. He tells them they’re too late. Roxie finally realizes her vision was about Joanna. She is not the sharpest tool in the drawer. Kat climbs the bonfire trying to get to her. Will drags her away. She uses her powers to make it rain, putting out the fire. Will gets her out of the coffin, uninjured. At the bare minimum, she should have terrible smoke inhalation. He tells Joanna that Kat tried to save her. They make up, as Joanna sweetly reaizes their friendship is more important than Will.

Penny Is Byline Curious

Penny attempts to wax her own armpits. Proof that the girl is crazy! She is on the outs with Jamie because he fed her false information that led to Joanna’s firing. Maybe she really is in love with Joanna. But then she also professes her lust for Jamie. Is it possible that she’s attracted to writers in general? Jamie asks Penny to continue helping him expose Daryl, showing her a letter he claims proves that Daryl killed his mother. We know better. How long before Penny puts the pieces together and figures out he’s Bun’s son?

Chad Is Unprepared For The Twist Ending

Chad sees a freaked out Roxie hugging Daryl after the bonfire and mutters that she can go to hell. Chad, who is a bit wasted, pounds on the Daryl statue which is now in the town square. It falls on him and crushes him, making Roxie’s vision a reality. Wow. I did not see that coming. Neither did he. Rimshot!

Quotes

It’s like you stepped out of a 70s porno and into my life. - Roxie to Daryl

I’m worse than a pastoral whoremonger. - Joanna

You confused me with your sexy man smell and your accent that makes me want to throw you down on the bed and devour you like a crumpet. - Penny

If my life were a donut you;d be the creamy filling. - Joanna, to Kat

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