Gossip Girl: Face Of Cakes

Happy off year election day! If you thought that upstate NY district where the republican candidate withdrew and endorsed the democrat was weird, well, you ain’t seen nothing yet. It turns out that a congressional campaign makes for far better Gossip Girl episodes than college does.

Trippaquiddick

Tripp is trailing in the polls. On election day, as he walks by the Hudson, he conveniently encounters a drowning man. He jumps in and saves him. That’s not at all suspicious. Nate finds this as fishy as I do. Vanessa, who is filming a documentary on the campaign, reviews the footage and catches the drowning man jumping in the water moments before Tripp arrives. She warns Nate she already agreed to sell the footage to NY1. She refuses to be part of a cover up. Right. The money has nothing to do with it, Vanessa. Nate says he will tell Tripp. He, displaying some Chuck worthy critical thinking skills, hires someone to pose as the NY1 executive. When she figures it out and confronts Nate, he calls her self righteous. Every Gossip Girl fan in America gives Nate a standing ovation. Vanessa gives the footage to the real NY1, as the polls are closing. Tripp tells his grandfather that if he does not come clean, he will withdraw from the race. Gramps insists he did not do it. My money is on the Buckley’s. Nate tells the press he is responsible for the fraud, and acted without Tripp’s knowledge. Tripp wins. Tripp’s wife Maureen admits to Grandpa Vanderbilt that she is behind the hoax. She did it to get Tripp out from under his thumb. Well, that is an unexpectedly delicious twist.

Drunk Party In The USA

KC, whose name I have been misspellling for weeks, assigns Serena to get Patrick photographed with Tripp at the campaign party because he’s up for a Michael Mann political thriller. He wants to do a remake of Leaving Las Vegas opposite Miley Cyrus. That is both hilarious and a nice bit of foreshadowing given the films prostitution and alcoholism theme.

Girl Friend Experience

Serena is willing to forgive and forget about their fight in the previous episode, but Blair is not in the mood. Serena taunts her for having no friends to bring to the party because Chuck will be working. Blair spots a girl with the latest It Bag. She’s played by ‘One Life To Live’s’ Bree Williamson. Her name is Brandeis, which is ridiculous even by this show’s standards. Does she have a sister named Tufts? Blair invites her to the party.

At the party, Patrick gets wasted. Blair sends him to a suite to sleep it off before anyone notices. When Serena finds him he drunkenly tells Serena that Brandeis is a call girl, which explains her Klassy name. Serena breaks the news to Blair. Blair points out Serena is getting paid to date her client, making her a prostitute. Since it was Serena’s idea and they are not having sex, that’s a weak analogy. Not to mention that Blair is dating a noted whoremonger. Serena’s come back is to shove Blair face first into the red white and blue cake. Awesome. Chuck points out that Blair is attacking her because she misses her. Blair and Serena manage to have a fairly insightful conversation about the very real ways that they are drifting apart. I am going to defend Serena’s job. Even though she only has it because of her name, she is doing a job that normally requires a college degree. Though publicity is not exactly curing cancer, it is a legitimate demanding career. Everyone’s acting like Serena blew off Brown to flip burgers. Blair sure doesn’t seem to have any professional or academic ambitions. However, Blair has hit a nerve. When Patrick drunkenly tells her she has to accompany him to a club because she is paid to go out with him, she writes, “KC I Quit,” on his shirt.

Chuck finds Blair lounging in Chuck’s bed. She tells him he’s all she needs. Tripp’s wife is Marie. Tripp has a celebratory drink with Serena. Hmmm…. I like this twist. Now Serena can go from celebutard to Monica Lewinsky.

Olivia: Almost As Annoying As Vanessa

In the week’s stupid, filler storyline, Olivia tries to prevent Dan from seeing her appearance on Jimmy Fallon. It would be funny if she were just mortified that she was on Jimmy Fallon, but she’s actually concerned that he’ll be upset that she told an embarrassing story about him. When Dan finally sees the interview, it turns out she talked about how, on their first date, Dan turned his shirt inside out in the bathroom. Fallon nicknames him, “bathroom boy.” That is a really innocent, silly story that would not offend anybody. Dan is as underwhelmed as I am and makes her a romantic one month anniversary dinner. I now hate Olivia almost as much as Vanessa.

Next week: A threesome! I am rooting for Chuck, Blair and Nate. I will probably get Rufus, Vanessa and Maureen.

Quotes

He’s drunker than Paula Abdul during Hollywood Week. - Blair, about Patrick

You want to go upstairs and see if two blondes make a right. - Serena, to man who is hitting on Brandeis

Don’t be so self righteous - Nate to Vanessa

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