Melrose Place: Cuts Like A Knife

This episode was pretty good, but Melrose Place is clearly preparing for its post-Amanda Woodward metamorphosis.  The murder mystery is winding down.  Characters personalities and relationships are changing.  Since the CW has only been promoting her November 17 return, I didn’t even realize there was a new episode this week until moments before it started.

The Telltale Knife

Hot Cop wants David to admit he was not really with Ella on the night of the murder, warning he knows David is up to something illegal.  David flashes back to meeting Sydney at his mother’s gravestone.  Shaun Sipos is a terrible cryer. Sydney introduces herself, claiming she is there to visit her father’s grave.  They have grief sex.  David confronts Ella about lying to him about her whereabouts.  He flashes back to confronting Sydney about using him to make Michael jealous.  He blacked out that night and does not remember if he killed her.  He remembers waking up covered with blood and holding a knife. He buried the knife at a construction site.  Wouldn’t it have been better to dump it in the ocean, throw it in a far away dumpster after wiping it clean,  or melt it?  He tries to dig it up, but it’s gone.  A construction worker turned it in to the police.

Riley and Jonah Prove Why They Should Be The Characters That Leave

It’s moments after the last episode ended.  Kendra is flirting with Jonah.   Why do women like this dork?  She moves in for a kiss.  He tells her he’s engaged.  She points out that if he is so ready to get married he shouldn’t have kissed her back.  The next morning,  Jonah confesses to kissing Kendra.  He thinks he is morally superior to her because he came clean right away while she kept the fact that she kissed Auggie a secret.  Yawn.  They are so dull.  Who cares?  When the producers revamp the show, they should be the first to go. I’ll take crazy violet and sexy Auggie over them any day.  Riley tells Auggie they cannot spend time together anymore.  She is upset that Jonah is still going to meet Kendra to work on his pitch.  He correctly points out that he needs to do this for his career.   They acknowledge their relationship is at a crossroads.

Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out, Auggie and Violet

The soon to be gone Auggie feeds his new creation to the soon to be gone Violet.  I am getting such a kick out of the rumors Ashlee Simpson-Wentz really was fired for her lack of talent, though I still prefer Violet to Jonah.  She’s a decent character who probably should have been played by somebody else.  Violet talks up Auggie’s new dish to the chef.  In a meta moment, he cruelly proclaims Auggie not ready for primetime.  Kohl’s owner, played by Rick Fox, visits. The chef passes off Auggie’s dish as his own. When he makes a crass remark about Riley, Auggie kicks his ass.  He is so out of control that I peg him as Sydney’s killer even though it contradicts everything we’ve seen so far.   After he gets fired, Violet drops off his knives, one of which I assume is the murder weapon. He and Violet have I-just-got-fired comfort sex. I am going to miss these crazy kids.

Ella Continues To Win At Life

Ella’s teen heartthrob client Jesse overdosed and is recuperating in the hospital where Lauren works.  She plans to tell everyone he had an allergic reaction to penicillin.  She asks Lauren to falsify admission documents.  She refuses, even after Ella offers to pay her two thousand dollars.  Caleb orders her to offer her more money.  She stumbles across Lauren’s prostitution money.  Ella figures out that her roommate is hooking.  She offers to give her fifty grand to change the records, so she can stop selling her body.  Lauren says her career comes first.  She is right.  This would ruin her chances at becoming a doctor, unlike escorting.  Ella tells Caleb they should issue an honest press release about Jesse’s drug problem.  It will help him transition out of teeny bopper roles. Ella apologizes to Lauren and promises never to bring up her whoring again.  I love that for all her bitchiness Ella is truly a good friend.

Quotes

On the scale of one to total tool, where do I fall?- Jonah, in a rare moment of self-awareness

No more putting that crap up your nose.  Otherwise you’re going to have a power lunch with River Phoenix. - Ella

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