Project Runway (Recap) - “Good Queen Fun”

By Jack Lutz
Fancast.com

(Ed. Note: Lutz filled in for regular Proj. Runway recapper Jen Smith, whose long-planned vacation accidentally overlapped with the return of one of her favorite shows.)

Dear Jen,

Thank you, so much, for taking off this week of all weeks on the beloved Bravo reality hit ‘Project Runway.’ My first blog ever… and I’m writin’ about drag queens! Go figure! I don’t even know where to begin, so on with the recap…

The show starts, and we are instantly introduced to our special guest of the episode: season four contestant Chris March. The challenge: CREATE A LOOK FOR A DRAG QUEEN. (To see more, watch this video.) Now I must mention that it seems unfair that I get to write this blog, as the show was so hilarious this week, it practically writes itself. But, in case you missed it, or in case you were too busy laughing at the “models” this week, let me quickly introduce you to the broads. Among the lot of classy ladies were a few with some of the most creative drag names I have ever heard. Starting with Farah Moans (sound it out… there you go), I knew we were in for quite an interesting week. But the names and personalities only got better as they introduced us to the likes of Hedda Lettuce, Sharon Needles (which when I heard, I cringed), Sherry Vine, and Annida Greenkard (who described herself as a “South American Banquet”). And those are just the ladies with the play on words names. Also in the pack of Skittles, we had Varla Jean Merman, Miss Understood (who kinda bares a striking resemblance to Talkatoo Cockatoo from the eighties series “Zoobilee Zoo,” right?), Luisa Verde, LeMay, Acid Betty, and last, but certainly not least, Sweetie (who introduced him/herself as “New York City’s big-tittied honky soul mama”). I can’t make this shit up…

After introducing the babes, Chris advises the remaining eleven contestants to be as “theatrical and over-the-top” as they need to be. Has he ever seen this show? More importantly, does he realize what this week’s challenge is!? Anyway, the contestants then get to choose their leading tranny, errr lady. As they each picked their favorite queen, I realized there was one for every player. I was kind of secretly hoping that there would be a surplus of one, so that we’d have to see one of these dudes eliminated. That would have been funny, but I digress. As Mr. March and host Heidi exit, he turns to her and says, “…let’s get German food.” To which her obviously scripted reply was (in an Arnold Schwarzenegger-approved accent), “Mmm. Pretzels and beer!” Really Heidi? Really?

Let’s flash forward and try to forget about Heidi’s affinity for lager, shall we!? The design process and preparation work for the challenge this week played out like a series of hilarious moments that came one right after another. The suffix “alicious” was being added to every word by not only Blayne, but essentially everyone else that was making fun of him for his –alicious ways. Probably the funniest moment in the show though came when Suede was talking about his deceased grandfather. I laughed so frickin’ hard that I had to rewind the scene several times to catch just exactly what he said. And I quote, “I’m just kinda daydreaming and all of a sudden, my grandfather comes to me… he’s been gone quite a few years now. He loved gardening. And he comes up, and he says, ‘Suede, you need some seeds on your dress’ and he starts scattering these seeds. And all of a sudden, I start to see these little Bib lettuces popping up on the garment.” There are simply no words….

As they continue to work, Tim pops in and reminds our designers to, “Make it work,” and has the queens come in for a fitting. Surprise! They were all dressed as men! Gasp!

At one point we see Hedda Lettuce and Suede butting heddas, when a disagreement over the garment’s sleeves comes about. “I’m a little Godzilla-ish. What are my sleeves doing?” Ms. Lettuce asks of partner Suede. I will say, she did look oddly similar to Reptar from Nickelodeon’s “Rugrats.” In Suede’s defense though, you are rather limited to what you can do when your theme is a green vegetable. Meanwhile, Joe and Varla Jean Merman work together to transform Joe’s Elvis-inspired frock into a more “Ann Margaret on the ‘Love Boat’” sailor look. Excellent choice. With the changes made, the outfit instantly improved. As Tim walks around the room, he stops to critique Blayne’s dinosaur-alicious outfit for Miss Understood, declaring, “It looks like a Terradactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park.” Now to some, that may seem like an insult, but Blayne took it surprisingly well. His response, “my outfit is gonna be drag-alicious.” And it was. Another noteworthy comment was made by Stella, when she said of the models, “These broads aren’t classy. Most of them wear really tacky sh*t on stage.” This coming from the designer who made a garment out of trash bags in the premiere episode of the season. Go fig!

Time for the judging! And if Chris March wasn’t good enough, we get yet another surprise guest to give her opinion on all of the outfits… a one Miss Ru Paul (who I must say is lookin’ a little old). Chris though is nowhere to be found as Ru Paul joins Heidi, MK, and Nina on the runway. Right off the bat we send five designers to safety. Kenley, Stella, and Leanne’s designs earned them high enough scores to continue on in the competition. Suede and Blayne’s dino-rific designs also qualified them to move forward. And while those “gay Jurassic Park” garments made it through, Jerell’s Velociraptor-inspired dress for LeMay landed him in the bottom three alongside Keith’s Cruella Deville disaster for Sherry Vine and Daniel’s flamenco number for Annida Greenkard. Safe also were Korto’s garment for Sweetie and Terri’s rock outfit for Acid Betty (which Michael called “Heavenly”). Winner of this week’s challenge: Joe/ Varla Jean Merman for their re-vamped sailor suite. And booted from the competition this week: Daniel; whose lackluster cocktail dress for Annida Greenkard failed to impress the judges due to his inability to use enough “sparkle.” I must say though, it was definitely Daniel’s time to go. Oh and hey, Annida Greenkard, John Leguizamo called… he wants his “To Wong Foo…” character back.