Scare Tactics (recap)

By Tom Rose
Fancast.com

They’ve gone back to West Point on Scare Tactics. Or is that Annapolis? Or is it Porky’s? Anyway they’ve learned some new strategies and they turn out to be the oldest in all of storytelling: you can’t beat the “jump tale.” Just ask Stephen King.

A jump tale is a story that slowly builds tension and suspense until the moment of release. Think Amy Irving in Carrie or Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Last night Scare Tactics offered 4 jumps and they all worked very well, mostly because Satan’s Baby was nowhere to be found. Just your everyday bunch of lunatics who look like they could be that mumbly guy down the street. “He was such a quiet man.”

It’s actually harder to scare someone than it is to frighten them. And we got some really scared temps, volunteers and newbies last night. A main reason is the quality of acting and the characters straight out of South Central Casting. All bug-eyed, sweaty and dressed in worn out L. L. Bean. Throw in minimal props and simple, believable sets and you’ve set the basis for the most intelligent episode yet. Truth is MUCH stranger than fiction.

In “White Noise” Sophia is helping a Robb Demarest type hunt down evil spirits with the latest in digital technology. As he steps out of the room for a moment, the monitors go to white noise and a ghostly gibberish emanates from the screen. The lights flicker and the scientist rushes back in to convince Sophia she must witness this for him, as his partner has suddenly gone missing. Of course they’ve set her up beforehand to think that this is the house where a mysterious suicide recently occurred. And when the man behind the curtain steps out with a noose around his neck, well, you get the idea. Good start.

In “Phantom Power” Amanda thinks she’s scored a great new job with the local power company. Her first task has her accompanying an electrical inspector out to an area where the grid is acting up. When they enter the property at the epicenter of the power drain, they discover a wire leading from the meter box directly to an android’s eye socket. The guy’s stealing cable! Actually it’s the byproduct of an evil paranoid attempting to build his own race of cyborgs. And he’s graduated to experimenting on humans. One poor soul is quivering beneath a large plastic bag. When Amanda goes to help, a completed robot rushes in to make sure the secret never leaves the room. Amanda is literally terrified and shaking. She’s so relieved when she gets the news it was all a joke, that she drops to the couch and explains that she “really needs a cigarette.” So did I, and I don’t even smoke. Wow.

Last week we found a real-life hero in Brandon who risked his life to save a stranger from being stabbed. This week we have Carlo who isn’t going down without a fight. In past episodes most victims are too frightened to act. Not Carlo. In “Walled Off” he helps a buddy demolish a partition that will open up more space in the apartment. The contractor drops several hints about the guy who used to rent the place. He was evicted for fighting with the landlord. But he’s gone now, right? Wrong. When he shows up and demands to know what they’re doing, Carlo has second thoughts about volunteering. After the nutjob leaves, they begin to break open the wall only to find the bloodied, bound and gagged owner of the house stuffed in between the panels. That’s when Carlo goes into the worst karate stance since Ralph Macchio learned how to wax a car. But he’s got street smarts. Kill or be killed I always say. He admits he’s scared, but he won’t go out without taking the psycho with him. The relief in Carlo’s eyes when he realizes he’s been set up is destined to make the next “Best Of” reel.

In the final segment, “Paralyzed with Fear”, Danny, who has no medical training at all, doesn’t let that bother him when he’s expected to assist in a clinical trial for a new wonder drug. It’s explained that the pill has the power to restore paralyzed limbs, enabling the patient to miraculously walk again. All goes well with the first two sufferers as they administer the single dose. But the last guy, a former “cage fighter” offers a bribe to get 5 times that amount. Danny happily accepts the C-note, but quickly regrets it when the overdose enables the maniac to break free of his restraints. It actually looks like he breaks the back of the Doctor with a sleeper hold, and stabs another patient with a syringe, drawing blood. The acting is terrific and the fighting stunts are beautifully executed. Danny is absolutely scared out of his gourd and begs to be let go. After all this terror, it crept into my mind that this is all rather cruel. But I quickly dismissed that feeling because this show is one of the funniest I have seen in a long, long time. Danny has to sit for a moment when he sees he’s been had. I don’t blame him.

Tracy Morgan has settled into the hosting role very nicely. He adds just the right balance of humor and irony, delivering lines like “there’s nothing like a cigarette after a robot attack” and “don’t you just hate it when you find a guy in the wall?” I know I do. I was actually wishing this show was an hour instead of 30 minutes. Oh well, another all new episode airs next week, so I’ll be waiting for the jump. And I don’t even need to be bribed.