Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Recap)

By Jen Smith
Fancast.com

When one is writing a Secret Diary of a Call Girl, it’s almost impossible to deny that the grass is always greener on the other side. Hannah knows this very well. She’s very expensive, which means she attracts a certain type of sophisticated clientele. Or so they like to think they’re sophisticated. They’re rich, at least. Take for example, Mitchell. He’s an American filmmaker who has called upon Belle for her services. After the deed is done, Mitchell tells Belle in so many words that she’s higher class than being a simple escort, and gives her the hook-up to his buds at Diamond International. Hannah now has a job interview… to be a courtesan. This will be fun.

If you thought Hannah’s old boss was a nut job, she’s got nothing on these broads. The epitome of class and elegance, these three. To be honest, they are English. After some scrutinization over Belle’s wardrobe and her preferred foreign language abilities, Hannah manages to weasel her way into the job by convincing them how clever she is. Now that she’s landed the new gig, she enlists the help of Ben (whom I’m hoping will slip back into his tiny boxer-briefs again this episode… no? Damn.) to snap some new photos for her website. Hannah’s motto is “the more expensive you are, the less flesh you flash.” Cleavage is good, nipples are bad. Also good to remember on spring break. Ben also created my new favorite word: überwhore. I love that guy.

And now for your surreal moment of the episode: Mitchell, who has Belle in a compromising position, feels it his duty to look up from his current task and offer for Belle to move into this huge-ass apartment they’re in. She immediately jumps up and runs around the place in excitement, so the task at hand couldn’t have been that great. Later on, Hannah has enlisted the help of her mom to pack up the old apartment and move into the white collar neighborhood of London. Mummy still thinks she’s a legal secretary. But she is a tad more selective with her clients now. She gets to weed them out based on grammar, spelling, and personality. Nice. She now has four full-time clients. Mitchell thinks that’s quite enough, and proceeds to invite her to come along with him to Scotland on business. Hannah then finds out the downside of being a courtesan: boredom. Mitchell is away most of the time, and Hannah gets lonely too easily. Once he gets home, she tries to get playful with him, but when work calls and she pushes away his cell phone, Mr. Important gets pissy and storms out. So much for that relationship.

Hannah decides it would be best for all involved if she cuts ties. She moves back into home, sweet, home and becomes an independent contractor. A home-based small business owner, if you will. She calls Ben over for some best-buds alone time, but this doesn’t sit well with Vanessa, the fiancé. Hannah doesn’t understand why it’s a big deal, especially because she’ll be his best man at the wedding, and Ben explains that it would be obvious to everyone at the wedding that he should be marrying her instead. Oops. This conversation apparently leads Ben to go home and break it off with Vanessa. The next day, he tells Hannah he didn’t want to marry Vanessa, but he doesn’t want to marry her either. Well, I guess they’re on the same page now. She wraps up the episode quite nicely by talking about how great it is to have one person who knows you entirely but still loves you. I agree!

Overall, not a bad first season. Next season promises more complications to Belle’s life (well, yeah, considering Billie Piper was pregnant when it was filmed), so I’ll see you then for more debauchery, sex, and sin.