The Biggest Loser: Families: “I Don’t Feel As Fat Anymore” (recap)

By: Jen Smith
Fancast.com

The Biggest Loser and I have a few things to get straight: first of all, I wish it were a one-hour show. That’s a popular sentiment. Secondly, we need more sex. Third, the producers are being jerks with their “shocking twists.” Fourth, I was lying about the sex. But I would like to see someone like Brady be caught hooking up with Coleen. So scandalous! This week, the teams are all heading out on the big open road for a little trip to the Grand Canyon. Everyone hems and haws about having to leave their comfy little existence but piles onto a bus anyway. It’s not exactly comfortable considering most of them still don’t fit in the seats, but they make it work.

When the bus pulls up to a convenience store in the middle of nowhere, everyone’s confused. That’s when Ali swings into the parking lot in a swanky RV. She’s there to offer the first temptation challenge. She will show them a typical convenience store fatty food and the teams have to guess how many calories it has. Whoever comes closest will win a pack of Extra gum (I know, it’s such subtle product placement), and whichever team gets three packs of gum gets to sleep in the RV instead of camping out. The teams that guess incorrectly will have to eat the food. Long story short, Orange wins. Really, you don’t want me to recount this one. No one was forced to eat any pizza or cupcakes or giant pretzels. My heart fondly remembers Bernie from last season sticking Rolos all over his face in rebellion. I’ve never laughed so hard.

Everyone makes it to the Grand Canyon with little to no fanfare. They show a rather weird ten minutes full of crane shots and copter shots and artsy shots of the contestants and Ali standing at the top. Ali gives a big tear-inducing speech about the similarities between the Colorado River and the contestants’ achievements. They head back to the campsite where everyone but Heba and Ed are forced to lay on cots and sleep in tents. They’re also lacking originality when it comes to squeezing in a workout and decide that the only thing they can do outside is take a walk and toss medicine balls to and fro. It was much too difficult in the end, and naps are had by all.

The challenge has finally come, and I must say it was underwhelming. The premise: every team gets a kayak with a rope attached. One team member will paddle as far as they can in 90 seconds. Then, a member from the other team will try to pull their kayaks back to the dock. The last kayak to touch the dock will win the prize… a sweet, pimped-out, mack-daddy RV. Effin’ A! All the teams choose girls to get in the kayaks except the Orange Team. Purple is eliminated quickly because Shellay got the rope all tangled up. In the end, it’s down to Red and Orange. Red has Amy in the kayak with Heba trying to pull her in. Phil is pulling the rope of the Orange team with Ed inside. It was actually a good idea to put Ed in the kayak because he would be harder to pull in with his added weight and strength. Orange Team is victorious yet again and wins the RV. Phil’s pissed because he’s got three boys who would love the RV. I kind of see his point. I mean, one of his boys is autistic, which is hard enough on the little guy when traveling. If I were Orange, I would have let them have the RV.

Hour 2 of the show is back at the ranch. Bob and Jillian are appalled at their sedentary habits this week and are determined to show the contestants how it’s possible to work out without a gym. And boy, howdy, do they ever. The trainers rip them a new one during the last chance workout. Right in the middle of the action, Jerry develops a limp and Jillian sends him to the medic. He’s got signs of a blood clot and heads to the hospital to get it checked out. The docs he’s only got a torn hamstring. The good news: it’s not an infection. The bad news: he’s injured.

When it’s finally time for the weigh-in, Bob and Jill are visibly nervous. They know that their teams pretty much sat on their asses this week. They cross their fingers that it won’t be THAT bad. Once they’re all lined up, Ali drops a bombshell: no one will be voting tonight. The producers have decided that the team that gets the lowest percentage will automatically be put on the auction block, but as a family they must decide only one of them to go home. OK, I was wondering when they would start sending home only one at a time. I didn’t think it would happen so soon. I also didn’t think that they’d have to pull the trigger on their own loved ones. It’s kinda cruel, producers. That’s all I’m saying.

Red Team
Amy: 209 to 207, -5
Phil: 300 to 290, -10
Total percentage of weight loss: 2.95%

Brown Team
Vicky: 223 to 220, -3
Brady: 306 to 301, -5
Total percentage of weight loss: 1.51%

Pink Team
Michelle: 223 to 220, -3
Renee: 248 to 242, -6
Total percentage of weight loss: 1.91%

Orange Team
Heba: 280 to 274, -6
Ed: 309 to 299, -10
Total percentage of weight loss: 2.72%

Purple Team
Amy: 219 to 213, -6
Shellay: 201 to 198, -3
Total percentage of weight loss: 2.14%

Yellow Team
Coleen: 202 to 195, -7
Jerry: 358 to 360, +2
Total percentage of weight loss: 0.89%

Jerry was the only one to actually gain weight this week. Phil broke the 200 mark, while Coleen and Shellay both broke into the 100s. It’s a bummer for the yellow team, who must decide which one of them will go home. Honestly, they have been skimming by for the past two weeks, so it’s kind of fair that one of them has to go. Jerry knows that he’s the one who’s holding Coleen back from the competition, while Coleen is worried about Jerry’s health if he doesn’t stay. In the end, daddies will be daddies. Jerry lets his little girl stay on the ranch. It’s all good though. We see an update from him four months later and he’s lost another 50 pounds. That’s incredible! It brings his total weight loss to 70 pounds. He’s looking pretty healthy, and I hope to see him lost another 50 pounds or so before the finale. Next week… more stuff happens.