The United States of Tara: “Pilot” (recap)

By Jen Smith
Fancast.com

Get ready to be a devout citizen of the United States of Tara. If you weren’t initially born into the premise of a show about multiple personality disorder, after watching the premiere episode you’ll likely have applied for a green card. The country, if you will, is run just like the USA—you’ve got your front man and president, Tara. But the people who actually run the nation are behind the scenes.

The first member of the Cabinet is T, the ghetto-fabulous 15-year-old girl who serves as the perfunctory Secretary of Health and Human Services. Not only does she help Tara’s teenage daughter score a handful of prescription pills (health), but she also tries everything in her power to have sex with Tara’s husband (human services). Next is Buck, the Secretary of Defense. Buck is a crude, cigarette smoking, gun toting Southerner who has a soft spot for defending the family’s honor. Alice, the happy homemaker, is most definitely the Secretary of Agriculture. She’s always baking one thing or another. It’s not a complete Cabinet by any means, but honestly, it’s enough for one family.

The premiere episode begins with Tara (Toni Collette) recording an entry into her video diary. This will likely be a weekly occurrence. She explains what she does for a living (painting pretentious murals for rich people), but is more stressed out by the open-door policy of her daughter’s vagina. Tara, being your classic glutton-for-punishment mother, snooped through her daughter’s things and discovered a prescription for the morning after pill. Because of Kate’s attitude, it’ll likely be a moot conversation about sexual responsibility. Without permission, T decides to come out and play. It’s an obvious subconscious decision on Tara’s part to switch over to the only alter that has a bond with Kate. Let’s see if it works.

When she comes home from school, the first thing Kate notices is a loud thumping of music coming from her room. She doesn’t seem surprised to find her mom donning a pair of skinny jeans and a thong, and welcomes T like she’s an old friend. The girls bond over Tara’s overprotective attitude about the “kill pills” and decide to raid the old lady’s wallet. Before they can hit the mall, T runs into Marshall. Marshall is Tara’s son, a social outcast with a flair for all things Food Network. T teases him just like he was her own brother, even inviting him to help them buy cheap clothes that make them look insecure. Before they can leave, the studly Max (John Corbett) arrives with a feast of KFC. He doesn’t seem surprised at T’s resurrection. In fact, they all seem to welcome her like a long lost family member. That is, until Charmaine shows up.

Charmaine is Tara’s sister and is none too pleased with the whole multiple personality thing. She’s adamantly against Tara’s decisions to go off the meds, but takes full advantage of Tara’s mental vacations in order to blatantly hit on Max. You hussy. Later that night, Max is helping T paint her toe nails black when T decides to get a little frisky. Obviously, T looks just like Tara, so Max has a hard time pushing the little firecracker off his lap. When he does, he banishes her to the shed. The kids know that she’s going to throw a shit fit, for which Marshall plays music loudly so the neighbors don’t hear. We’ll find out what happens in the shed in due time, but we do know that when T has a shit fit, she always emerges from the shed as Tara.

Once Tara is back in the picture, things seem to go back to normal. Max gets to have some naughty role-play sex with his wife (”You look f**king cheap.”), and the kids get a mother again. The next morning, she’s dropping off Kate’s ballet costume for that night’s recital when she spots Kate’s greasy-looking boyfriend pushing her around. As any mother hen would do, Tara tries to mediate but only ends up embarrassing her daughter. Tara feels ashamed that she can’t protect her daughter, and subtlety morphs into Buck, the über butch badass who scratches his crotch and lacks a vulgarity filter.

Butch goes home to change into his costume of army boots, trucker hat, and flannel vest. Marshall and Max aren’t as pleased with Buck’s appearance as they were T’s. Buck does what he wants, including ruining Marshall’s Muffins of Triumph and ditching Kate’s ballet recital. For some reason, Buck hates Marshall, often making gay jokes (”tastes homo-made”) and agreeing to go to the recital just to irk the boy. So, they all go as a big happy family. When it’s over, Marshall figures out that Buck actually liked seeing all the pretty dance moves (do we see a bit of Tara shining through?) and confirms his theory when Buck gives a standing O. Kate instantly notices the alter, and is instantly mortified.

Backstage, while everyone is congratulating Kate on her stellar performance, they forget to keep an eye on Buck. When they find him, he’s kicking the shit out of Kate’s boyfriend. Buck tells Max that he was roughing Kate up earlier, which sets off a normally meek Marshall. The little guy proceeds to pick up where Buck left off, and wows us all with his natural fighting ability. With the generous crowd that had assembled, he’ll likely get a new reputation at school on Monday.

Afterward, they all go to the bowling alley for a little family time. Buck’s parental instincts kick in when he takes a beer from Kate and teaches Marshall how to bowl… but everyone’s still in agreement that they all want Tara back. There seems to be a nice dynamic to this family. They’re all open, honest, and unique. This definitely isn’t your normal family, but Tara’s multiple personalities don’t even seem to top the list of the family’s inimitable aura. We’ll get to see even more of those qualities next week, when Alice comes out to whip this family into shape.

Did you enjoy the premiere episode? Who is your favorite alter so far?