The Vampire Diaries: Seventeen Again

Dear Diary:

This episode of ‘The Vampire Diaries’ looked lame in the previews: Stefan’s old girlfriend wants him back. Turns out it was an epic mislead. They are just friends, she was awesome, and Damon is rapidly crossing the line from love to hate to just plain hate.

BVF (Best Vampire Friend)

It’s Stefan’s 162nd birthday — or the 145th time he;s turned 17. He’s a Scorpio, everybody! And, it turns out, has the same birthday as Arizona from ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ His BFF Lexi stops by for a visit. Instead of being the Darla from ‘Buffy‘ type that I expected, she is totally kick ass and funny. She reminisces about the time they partied with Jon Bon Jovi. I hope we get to see that flashback. She grabs Damon by the neck reminding him that she is older and stronger. So, mythology buffs, vampires get stronger as they age. Lexi has a great way of handling the thirst for human blood conundrum. She’s dating a phlebotomist. She sticks a straw into a pint of blood and drinks it like a Capri Sun. Awesome.

Elena drops by the Salvatore house and encounters Lexi wearing nothing but a towel. She leaves, convinced Stefan is getting a little something something. Lexi calls out Stefan on Elena’s resemblance to Katherine. He admits he loves Elena. Stefan tells Elena that he and Lexi are just BFFs. At 350 years old, she is truly his oldest friend. I hope we’ll find out how they met.

The Cover Up

Sheriff Mom interviews everyone about Vicki’s appearance. They all claim that she left town. Jeremy is suddenly drug free and into studying. Clearly, Damon did something to him. It would be hilarious if he really did hypnotize him into just saying no, staying in school and taking a bite out of crime while persuading him that Vicki left town. Elena tells Stefan that she feels too guilty every time she sees him and wants Stefan to stay away. This is already their second break-up for those keeping track.

Damon gives the Sheriff a package of Vervaine, claiming it’s at the request of a traveling Zach. The magnificent bastard is going to end up running the council. She reveals her suspicions that the vampire terrorizing the town has figured out a way to go outside in the daytime. Sheriff Mom is a pretty good cop.

It takes Damon about 30 seconds to get Caroline back under his control. He tells her to throw a party at the grill so he can solve the vampire problem and orders her to get his crystal back. This is not going to end well. He persuades Stefan and Lexi they need to come so they can blend in with everyone and deflect suspicion.

Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board

Grandma Jasmine Guy tells Bonnie she needs to wear the protective talisman all the time and should not give it to anyone. Bonnie swears Elena to secrecy then levitates feathers from a pillow. They look really CGId but it’s a cool way to cheer her up. Elena has no trouble believing that Bonnie is a witch. Compared to the whole dating a vampire thing it’s no big deal. Bonnie dreams she is running through the woods and sees her ancestor Emily who warns her, “It’s coming.”

I’ve Come To Wish You An Unhappy Birthday

At the party, Caroline asks Bonnie for the talisman back hilariously claiming it makes Bonnie look fat. When she tries to snatch it, it burns her. Stefan tells Matt he was trying to help Vicki and apologizes. Matt says Vicki’s like her Mom. She runs away. Damon calls Caroline stupid, shallow and useless. She gets wasted and tells Matt she wants to be like “The abyss deep.” She cries about being a “kiddie pool.” Matt carries her out, running smack into Sheriff Mom. Matt takes Caroline home and puts her to bed. She begs Matt to stay with her. I am already shipping them. It looks like Matt is taking care of another needy girl now.

Damon sees a couple making out outside the party. Mmm… A snack. Damon drains the man, but leaves the woman alive. Then he returns to the party. At this point, I knew he was up to something and started worrying about Lexi. Elena asks Damon what he said to Jeremy. Damon says only that he took away his suffering. Lexi uses her powers to score free drinks from the bartender. I want to hang out with Lexi. She tells Elena that alcohol helps the blood cravings. That’s what Stefan should have told Vicki to keep her from biting people. Lexi reveals the love of her life was human and they made it work. Was this love the phlebotomist? Or somebody else? Perhaps one of the original Mystic Falls settlers? Kevin Williamson has done a great job of making me care about Lexi in just a few scenes.

Sheriff Mom brings the terrified vampire attack witness to the grill. She fingers Lexi as the vampire who killed her man. Sheriff Mom shoots her with Vervaine and drags her away. I hate Damon so much at this moment. Lexi vamps out and throws the cops around. Sheriff Mom repeatedly shoots her. The bullets do nothing. I hoped she’d escape. If she had, Damon would have succeeded at misleading the council. But that’s not good enough for him. He stakes her saying it’s part of the plan. He really must hate Stefan to do this. Sheriff Mom thanks Damon. She also arrests the bartender for serving Caroline alcohol. Oh, Sheriff Mom, you are the only decent parent on this show. Stefan wants to kill Damon as revenge. Elena begs him not to do anything rash. He tells her she was right to stay away from him. Stefan drinks some of Lexi’s human blood supply to gain strength. Stefan and Damon have a massive vamp brawl. Stefan sticks a stake in his stomach, saying now they’re even. I know we need Damon for the purposes of the show, but I can’t think of any reason why Stefan would spare him unless he really does love his brother deep down.

Quotes

You’ll rock her world so hard with your vamp sex she’ll be yours forever. -Lexi

I want to be deep as the Abyss. .. I’m a kiddie pool. - Caroline

Everywhere I go pain and death follows - Stefan

Do you ever feel like there’s not a person in the world that loves you? - Caroline

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