Watching on Fancast: Celebrity Circus (Recap)

By Tom Rose
Fancast.com

The Judges were in control last night on Celebrity Circus as The Final Three were revealed and “The Louie Spence Show” made its debut on Network Television. Spence, Mitch Gaylord and Aurelia Cats picked the acts for the 4 stars left (Rachel Hunter, Stacey Dash, Jason “Wee Man” Acuna, Antonio Sabato Jr.) and it made for the most interesting episode so far. That’s not saying much. We did learn a new word though – more on that later.

A twist reveals why the judges are gasping for their last breath of hot air: the winner will be chosen strictly by the voting American Public. Next week the gas bags will be deflated, so this is the final chance to pad the judging resume and Spence milks it for all its worth.

Joey Fatone stays largely in the shadows and lets the show speak for itself. This is their last chance and a perfect 10 is necessary. Although there was plenty of superfluous filler (the trainers plied their wares, a world record bowling pin trick was smashed) Joey made no attempts at comedy and he was not suspended from the rafters. Damn. Somebody’s been reading the morning after trade papers.

We learn out of the gate that Stacey Dash is safe, so she’s first up on the judges’ wish list and performs the Bungee Trapeze again. She was good at it last time but has slipped a bit since. She’s determined to win it all this time and vows to stick the ankle catch. Nice try Stacey – shoulda used an electronic bracelet… it doesn’t come off. Aurelia feels she must explain her earlier harshness and exclaims “we are nut robots, we are pipple” then awards an 8 along with the others. Spence untypically declines to go straight. My favorite, Stacey is dashed.

Wee Man also makes the cut so he’s up next and trying to repeat the perfect 10 he scored last time. His trick is the Flying Straps. He decided to ramp things up by adding his trademark skateboard. Using every poker metaphor according to Hoyle, he explains why he is the man to beat: he really needs the gig. Unfortunately his years on Jackass haven’t improved his skateboarding skills and he totally blows the landing. As he’s twitching in the gallows, I can’t help but be reminded of a reluctant paratrooper I once knew in the Air Force. It’s priceless and I predict a wealth of new ideas he and Johnny Knoxville can kick around at the trailer park. The judges are sympathetic, but, cringingly, Spence can’t resist remarking “Wee Man, you have grown.” Score: 8.0

We endure a segment paying tribute to the trainers, but it only serves to spotlight what we’re really missing. Dirty trick.

It’s down to Rachel and Antonio but there’s really no suspense as Hunter graciously exits. In the summation, Cats explains that Rachel was the long shot because she lost her “fucus.” Huh? Did she just say f*ck us? It’s times like these I lust for TiVo, but I quickly realize she said “focus.” Oh, focus… I like fucus better. It’s my new mantra. Fucus. Thanks Aurelia.

It’s down to the perpetually bare-chested Antonio, who confirms the return of “Ze Sexy Guy.” Performing the Flying Silks tango routine once again, he lives up to his promise of giving it everything he’s got. In the first show we learned of his circus background and it pays off here. It was the single most perfectly executed routine by anyone so far and it earns the perfect 10. Truly a clutch performance and Antonio basks in the warm glow. Louie Spence hogs the moment with another round of backflips, which unfortunately don’t land him in the Emergency Room. He’s got one more chance to make it to the Finals himself.

That’s next week. The winner will be awarded the just revealed “Wheel of Death” trophy. Gotta say, it actually looks pretty cool. It’s a working model of the real thing. There should be a tiny Wee Man stumbling over the top of it though…

On to the finals with Stacey, Antonio and Jason. Anticipating the Finale, I can’t help pining for that old show “Circus Of The Stars”… now those celebrities really knew how to fucus.