Watching on Fancast: Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood (recap)

By Jen Smith
Fancast.com

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood is still trying to pretend it’s a reality show. Most of the cake seems real enough, with just a pinch of producer-flavored sprinkles on top. Whatever, it’s entertaining… I guess. This week, Tori and Dean are trying to decorate their new house before they move in. They’ve enlisted the help of Suzanne, Tori’s BFF, who barges into the house like she’s the one who owns it and demands that Dean wipe her poopie butt. Well, not literally, duh. But she does get on Dean’s last nerve when she can’t seem to make a decision about the damn wallpaper. You’ve been trying to settle on wallpaper for two weeks now, Suzie; make a decision already. Alas, she and Tori agree to just deal with it tomorrow. I’m on Dean’s side with this one.

The next day, the wallpaper samples reappear. Tori also called in her other friend Amy to help out. So here’s the scene: a very pregnant Tori (the ultimate procrastinator), Suzanne (the queen bitch), Amy (the filler friend) and Dean (the level head) all in one room. Needless to say, it turns into quite a debacle. The girls are yap yap yapping, and even though they ask for Dean’s opinion, they neither listen to him nor care about his opinion. Dean proceeds to storm out of the room in exasperation and tear the mantle off the fireplace to make a point (it’s not as violent as it seems!). I think they got the idea. Or did they? Meanwhile, Tori decides to take a break from decorating to call upon some Amish people to bless their house. OK, they only looked Amish. They were way crazy. They made them stab some lemons with a dagger to soak up the negative spirits or whatever and place the lemons throughout the house. So… no more Casper? That little guy was pretty cool, until he turned into a human… and then he was pretty hot.

Meanwhile, Tori’s still doing all these book signings even though she’ll likely break her water all over her rabid fans’ feet. Her number one fan, Daniel, shows up again! Gotta love the picture he drew of Tori with lopsided boobs. And there was a lady who flew all the way from Portland just for the signing. That is two motivated Tori Spelling fans, my friends. And because not enough was going on in this episode, Tori’s dog Chiquita is having problems with pooping in the house so they call a dog trainer. She shows them how to be consistent with the dog’s diet and exercise regime and promises the problem will be solved. One can only hope that “consistency” is a possibility with two babies with two showbiz parents in one house.

Back to all the house business, demo has officially began. There’s painting and plumbing and wiring and whatnot everywhere. I have concerns this will be done in time. Suzanne and James (an actual professional decorator unlike Suzanne the wanna-be) go looking for fabric and wallpaper AGAIN. Suzie drags them from store to store saying they have to look everywhere before they make a decision, and James and Dean, being the voices of reason, say there just isn’t time for that. She and Dean have a big blow-out where she blames everything on Tori’s inability to make a decision and Dean’s need to chill out. I really don’t like this chick. Finally, they end up making a couple decisions (on another day) and Dean apologizes. Suzanne sits back like a freaking child and pokes and prods him for trying to ruin her vision, while taking no blame. I’m fuming.

As I suspected, the demo won’t be done in time for them to move in. Tori and Dean don’t know if they should move into a hotel or ask for an extension on their lease. There’s also the small little problem of the baby that’s due to pop out any day now. So… guess what we see next week? Paparazzi and placenta! Woo! That’s sooo Hollywood.