Deep Soap: Soapy Halloween

Forget (sexy) balloon boy, (sexy) Lady Gaga and (sexy) John Gosselin. If you really want to stand out on Halloween you need only look to the soaps. You may spend the whole night explaining your costume, but it will be worth it when you post the photos on Facebook and all your fellow internet soap fans sing your praises. Here are some suggestions.

All My Children – Faux Kendall

Costume Elements: curly brown wig, prison jumpsuit, dripping stab wound

How to Play The Role: First look exactly like Alicia Minshew, then have only a passing resemblance. Complain about your time behind bars, demand money, have no plausible explanation for how you were recruited to serve Kendall’s prison sentence, and ask what the heck your existence has to do with Stuart’s murder. For best results, recruit a friend to play Real Kendall, complete with camouflaged baby bump.

Other Pine Valley costumes: Stuart’s Ghost, Long Term Story, wedding Rianca

The Bold & The Beautiful – Dominatrix Jackie

Costume elements: black leather and vinyl fetish wear, a whip, a lot of self confidence, boy toy

How to Play the Role: All you Slutoween fans are in luck. The skimpy fetish outfit Jackie wore to her fashion show provides the perfect excuse to walk around dressed like an ad from the back pages of your local alternative weekly newspaper. Tonight, you are a gorgeous, sexy cougar who has two younger men after you. Flirt with every attractive guy in the room, then question whether you are really the right person for them. Be sure to accessorize with a shirtless hottie in leather pants.

Other B&B costumes: 80s Valley Girl Prom Queen Donna, pan of lemon bars, Ridge’s hair

Days of Our Lives – Carly Buried Alive

Costume elements: coffin, pretaped voiceover

How to Play the Role: What better way to celebrate Carly’s return to Salem than to pay homage to her most famous storyline? Depending on your ambition level, either paint a cardboard box to look like a coffin and wear it or procure an actual coffin and recruit a friend to wheel you around. Play a recording of a woman taunting you from above about your impending death.

Other Days of Our Lives costumes: Dead Lawrence, Nicole’s pregnancy pad, red Wedding Dress Kate

General Hospital – Two Faces of Lucky Spencer

Costume elements: Jonathan Jackson Max, Greg Vaughn mask, recording of the General Hospital theme song

How to play the role: For you last minute costume types, you can whip this up in five minutes by pulling a couple images off the internet, enlarging them, and cutting them out. A subtle commentary on the year’s controversial casting decision – and the strange production choices that the show has made. Wear the Greg mask while you play the General Hospital theme song. When the opening credits finish, take it off and put on Jonathan. Have the rest of the party debate which one they like better.

Other General Hospital costumes: CO77X, clown Spinelli, the ghost of a chance of Vanessa Marcil’s return.

Guiding Light: Otalia

Costume elements: two attractive women, a pregnancy pad, a yardstick

How to play the role: If you and your best friend or significant other are looking for a couple’s costume, it’s not too late to memorialize Springfield’s first lesbian couple. Whoever is playing Natalia should wear the pregnancy pad. Each one of you should hold on end of the yardstick to keep an appropriate distance between the two of you so there will not be a chance of any scandalous lesbian kissing. Instead, have a lengthy conversation about the intense feelings you have for each other while the rest of the party yells at you to just kiss already.

Other Guiding Light costumes: a field, the lighthouse, Reva: The Red Dress Years

One Life To Live: Stacy’s Stem Cells

Costume elements: unitard, giant plastic bag, several gallons of fake blood, platinum blonde wig, lab records

How to play the role: This one is for you fans of gore. First fill the giant plastic bag with fake blood. Then, adhere it to your unitard with double stick tape. Finally, put on the blonde wig. You are now Stacy Morasco’s stem cells. When anyone asks to see the lab records that prove you are not a match for Shane, and therefore have no cancer curing properties, run and hide. Ask every man in the room to buy you a drink before offering to sleep with him. You are Stacy’s stem cells after all.

Other One Life To Live costumes: faux lesbian Dorian, goth John McBain, the Angel Square statue

The Young & The Restless: Drag Adam

Costume elements: brunette wig, purple dress, complete absence of a moral conscience

How to play the role: This costume will only work for a man. Put on the dress and the wig. The more ridiculous you look, the better. The goal is not to pass for an actual women. Feel free to leave some stubble on your face. Squint like you can barely see. Whisper Ashley’s name and recite dry facts about art. Spend as much time as possible near the staircase. Make disparaging remarks about your father. If you are feeling extra twisted, carry around some bloody rags and mutter about your need to burn them in the fireplace.

Other The Young & The Restless costumes: Post heart transplant Victor, Mr. Kitty, the Bradcicle

Casting News

General Hospital is adding another big name actor. Marsha Thomason of Las Vegas (one degree of separation from Vanessa Marcil!) and Lost will play a recurring character who will interact with James Franco’s Franco. Thomason will temporarily add some much needed ethnic diversity to Port Charles. Natalia Livingston, whose character Rebecca has been one of the show’s biggest failures of 2009, will be leaving soon. Call me crazy, but all of these changes may portend a really good GH In 2010.

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