Neil Patrick Harris on “Outing” Himself at the ‘How I Met Your Mother’ BBQ

Child star, gay icon, comeback kid; Neil Patrick Harris has had quite a career, beginning with Doogie Howser MD and culminating in his role on How I Met Your Mother. How did he make the transition, and did his sexuality perhaps buffer him from being the train wreck that other, straight, child stars ended up as in the long run? He talks to Out Magazine about these and being outed by Perez Hilton, playing straight roles as a gay actor, and what he’s watching on TV.

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OUT: Why does it seem like none of the gay child actors ever go the Diff’rent Strokes route and spiral out of control? You, Danny Pintauro, Chad Allen, Sara Gilbert: You’re all described by most accounts as well-adjusted. Did being gay affect that?
NPH: Maybe I felt a bit restrained when I was out and partying as a kid at trendy clubs, that I was putting on a bit of an act within myself — like having to act like those chicks should sit with us at our booth even though I didn’t really enjoy it. Maybe that kept me from going out as much? But then again, I could rattle [off] more examples of people who are deeply closeted and turn to hard-core drugs and party all the time to escape it. But I like your statistics.
OUT: From dorky doctor to lady-killing lothario in 20 short years. Did you chart your career path to become “Leading Man Neil Patrick Harris”?
NPH: Am I? [Laughs] I don’t see it.
OUT: Is it what you’ve always wanted?
NPH: I definitely was fearful of being branded at an early age with a role that I enjoyed immensely but didn’t want to keep doing. And probably just out of boredom I was interested in playing crazy, interesting parts. As I got older the crazy roles just found me, I guess, like Barney — that’s so crazy that that found me, but I love it. Being a leading man is fun, but I always find the periphery a more exciting environment. But hey, if someone wants to hand me the shoe, I’ll see if it fits.

OUT: From dorky doctor to lady-killing lothario in 20 short years. Did you chart your career path to become “Leading Man Neil Patrick Harris”?
NPH: Am I? [Laughs] I don’t see it.
OUT: Is it what you’ve always wanted?
NPH: I definitely was fearful of being branded at an early age with a role that I enjoyed immensely but didn’t want to keep doing. And probably just out of boredom I was interested in playing crazy, interesting parts. As I got older the crazy roles just found me, I guess, like Barney — that’s so crazy that that found me, but I love it. Being a leading man is fun, but I always find the periphery a more exciting environment. But hey, if someone wants to hand me the shoe, I’ll see if it fits.

OUT: But is Hollywood still underestimating the American public’s acceptance level of homosexuality? The stigma still seems to be a reality in that business more than many others.
NPH: People in the business are equally as terrified now — but I really find it a personal thing. And maybe I’m at the end of that era. I wouldn’t even want to stereotype today’s generation. But the majority of the casting departments are gay, and a lot of the executives are. I think it’s a matter of your abilities and how you carry yourself — I don’t behave any differently toward you right now than when I am with David [Burtka, his boyfriend] in our apartment, watching American Idol. OK, So You Think You Can Dance. [Laughs] I can see why an agent wouldn’t want to sign on a real overtly effeminate male actor — not because I have an aversion to them but because agents might know it limits their job opportunities.

OUT: You were hired for the Harold & Kumar movie before you were out of the closet. In the films you play yourself — a markedly straight and strung-out version of yourself. Did writers know you were gay when they wrote the part for you or when you were filming it?
NPH: No. You know…that just never came up. Honestly. When you’re making a movie everyone is in their own motor home and then they call you in and you do your thing. You don’t really sit down and say “So — who’re you fucking?” when you’ve only met a week before.
OUT: No, that’s more like a day on my job.
NPH: Yes, you probably do. You’re unique that way. The writers were very kind and accommodating and reverential, which was strange, at 29, 30, whatever — it was crazy. But it was hilarious. I’m a magician at heart, so smoke and mirrors is great. The idea of smoke and mirrors tends to suggest suppression and the idea that you don’t want people to know about who you really are, but as an actor you kind of do want people to not know who you really are. I think it was nice to have a bit of a smoke screen in a way.

OUT: Did you do anything to hide your sexuality from the network or the executives on How I Met Your Mother?
NPH: I didn’t release a statement to them, but at the first How I Met Your Mother barbecue I brought David. I feel like it’s important to be proud of who you are, so I didn’t feel like, “I should bring my friend Stephanie to this barbecue, or I’ll lose my job.” Thankfully, I live in a time where I don’t have to worry about that.
OUT: Fair enough, but do you think the network would have been behind your hiring if you had been openly gay at the time?
NPH: Well, I think if I was an outspoken activist, they probably would have had some concerns that people wouldn’t have believed me in the role completely. I think the majority of people just want to see how talented you can be. And if I’m going to play a leading male heterosexual in a role, I’d better act like that for that picture and the audition and represent well, and I would hope that would still get me the job.

OUT: Did growing up in Hollywood make it easier or harder for you to come out?
NPH: I think it was harder. Actually, I think it was easier for me, because I was around a lot of people who were gay and I was around a lot of people who were very confident. I was surrounded by people I could talk to freely about anything, and they were very successful emotionally and otherwise.
OUT: And yet…
NPH: And yet, part of the coming-out process is figuring out who you like and what that means and how to act upon it. Being an actor reduced my level of anonymity. I couldn’t just go to some bar and walk in and ask someone out on a date, because there was too much awareness of me. So it made it more difficult in that sense. I couldn’t be, like, “Maybe I like this kind of guy” or “Maybe I’m into this” — I couldn’t really experiment. I sort of had to narrow my gaze from afar. If I had any regret, it would be that strange lack of anonymity that created panic within myself that I would be found out. But I think that’s everyone’s big fear.

OUT: You don’t regret that you didn’t get out ahead of Perez Hilton forcing your hand in your coming-out process?
NPH: Hmm. I’m just glad it wasn’t based on scandal. I didn’t want there to be some “we got footage” story where I have to make some sort of statement about some event that happened. But I’m not that scandalous…I don’t have a lot of random sex –
OUT: This interview just got a lot shorter.

OUT: Are you thinking about marriage?
NPH: Well, I think if and when we do, we’d probably announce it after the fact as opposed to making the big announcement that it was going to happen.
OUT: But it’s important to you?
NPH: Yeah. We both wear rings, and I’m giddy when I see all the pictures of people so happy standing there, confirming the love they wish they could have expressed for a long time.
OUT: Like the 75-year-old couples –
NPH: It’s unbelievable. I think that speaks way more than the “God Hates Fags” signs.

OUT: Do you remember the first person you saw that you related to as a gay man?
NPH: The first face that empowered me was Danny Roberts from The Real World: New Orleans. I think before him I’d never seen anyone wear [homosexuality] so comfortably. He was around my age. I could look to him as a role model — if you could say that, even though he was on a reality show. He represented a way that I could behave and stand tall comfortably without being an overt advocate and without being someone hiding in the shadows. I liked that.

More on These Topics: Doogie Howser | How I Met Your Mother | Neil Patrick Harris